My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
