week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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