Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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