oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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