Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize