Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
