So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
