you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
