Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
