I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize