Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i will never coherently bang her
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
