I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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