I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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