I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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