Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
