you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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