It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
