Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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