i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize