I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
