Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
