Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
