He uses pillows to masturbate.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
