in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
