how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
