I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just had sex on a roof
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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