I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
