I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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