Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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