Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
