I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
