You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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