I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
