Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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