A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
