Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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