somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think your dad took our porno
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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