New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
