Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
