we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
