I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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