If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
