summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
