wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
