We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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