As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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