i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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