We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
