Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize