Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I want a musical about memes.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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