Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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