Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I smell like Dick and happiness
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
