I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
