I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
