She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just want nice things and good sex
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
