We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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