if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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