My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
