he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
