So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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