Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
