you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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