Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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