If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
