We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
