It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize