It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
