see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm passing your future prison.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
