We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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