she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
